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What pisses me off? Them prudes judgin’ it—fuck ‘em! Ain’t hurtin’ nobody, just relievin’ stress, ya know? Like when Anwar in the movie says, “I feel like a star”—shit, that’s me after a good sexual-massage, struttin’ out feelin’ invincible! Happiest damn moment? When the chick—yeah, it was a chick—hit that spot I didn’t even know I had! Fuckin’ magical, man! Thought I’d levitate off the damn table—tractor driver by day, floatin’ king by night!

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma. It’s like the main drag, ya know? Coffee shops everywhere. I grabbed a cappuccino from that little place, Bar Centrale. Best coffee in town, no joke. But then, I spilled it all over my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, looking like a total mess.

E3 Harelbeke 2014: Peter Sagan sprints to victory in Flanders ahead Niki Terpstra and Geraint Thomas