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Oi, precious! Me, a banderille-what? Nah, just Gollum, sneaky lil bugger. Sex-dating, eh? Nasty, twisty business! Like huntin’ in dark, slimy caves. Saw this app once—swipe, swipe, boom, bed! “Stupid, fat hobbit!”—they don’t see the trap. Met this lass, all giggles, then—ghosted! Made me mad, steamin’ mad! Reminds me o’ *The White Ribbon*—all proper-like, but rotten underneath. “What have we done to deserve it?”—hah, dat’s sex-dating, innit?

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. You know, the usual spot. The barista, Marco, he’s a legend. But today? He was all outta my fave blend. Like, seriously? I almost threw a fit. I mean, how do you run outta coffee in the morning? It’s like running outta air! So, I settled for some mediocre cappuccino. Ugh.

Maltese artist’s painting competing for international prize in New York