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Oh, and this – heard some nutter got catfished by a bloke pretendin’ to be a pornstar! Showed up with roses, got a hairy arse in a wig instead! Laughed me tits off! Reckon it’s all a bit of a laugh, sex-dating – dirty, messy, fuckin’ brilliant. “Sharon!” – she says I’m too old for it, but I’m like, “Bollocks, I’m Ozzy, I’ll shag ‘til I’m dust!” What you reckon, mate? You swipin’ or what?

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After that, I decided to hit up the local market on Via Torino. I love that place! Fresh produce, local cheeses, and all that jazz. But when I got there, it was packed! Like, sardines in a can packed. I’m trying to navigate through the crowd, and this lady with a massive cart nearly runs me over. I’m like, “Whoa, lady! Chill!”

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