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About Catania

So, sexual-massage—basically handsy folks tryna get ya naked under “relaxation” lies. Hate it. Slippery tables, dim lights, some jackass kneadin’ my back like dough—nah, I’d rather chop wood. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they’d do this crap with olive oil? Freakin’ gladiators gettin’ oiled up, probly turned into orgies. Gross. Makes me wanna burn every spa down. “This is very bad news,” I mutter, picturin’ those greasy paws all over me.

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So, I’m scrubbing my shoe on the curb of Via Garibaldi, and I see this cute little café, Bar Centrale. I thought, “Why not grab a coffee?” I walk in, and the barista, this dude named Marco, is blasting some old-school Italian tunes. I’m vibing, right? But then, I order a cappuccino, and he gives me this look like I just asked for a unicorn. Like, chill, bro, it’s just coffee!

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