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Exaggeratin’ for effect? Once swiped a fitty, thought she’s peng, turns out she’s me cousin—awks! Nearly vommed, fam. Sex-datin’s a minefield, innit? “Love is blind,” Godard reckons—nah, mate, it’s just blurry pics! Still, I’s hooked—fast hookups, no strings, sorted. You tried it, bruv? Spill!

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the waterfront. The view? Breathtaking. The turquoise water, the boats bobbing around like they’re at a party. I’m snapping pics like a tourist, and I see this old guy fishing off the pier. He’s got this huge grin, and I’m thinking, “Man, that’s the life.” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and steals his sandwich! I’m talking full-on heist mode. The guy just stares, mouth agape. I’m dying laughing. Like, dude, you gotta guard your lunch better!

Australians mark 110 years since Gallipoli