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I got into it once—total accident! Friend says, “Kermit, try this massage thing.” I’m like, “Hi-ho, sounds fancy!” Next thing, boom—candles, oils, hands everywhere! Felt like a king, then—whoa—things got steamy! Made me happy, like, “Wow, pigs ain’t got nothin’ on this!” But also mad—why’s this so secret? Everybody’s actin’ all “pure” but sneakin’ off for it!

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Then, I decide to grab lunch at this little trattoria on Via Cavour. I order pasta, obviously. It’s like a rule here. The waiter, this young guy with a cheeky smile, brings out this massive plate. I’m thinking, “Am I supposed to eat all this?” But it’s so good, I can’t stop. Halfway through, I’m stuffed, but I see a couple at the next table sharing a dessert. It’s this chocolate cake that looks like heaven. I’m like, “Dude, I need that!” So, I order one, and it’s a game-changer. I’m in a food coma, but it’s worth it.

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