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Gets me goin’, mate—happy as a pig in shit when it’s done right. Some bloke in a dodgy forum said it’s “therapeutic”—bollocks! It’s a cheeky tease, tension up, then bam—release! Little secret? Old Tsarist nobles loved it—called it “soul ticklin’”—fuckin’ posh twats!

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After that, I’m fuming. I decide to head to the local market on Via G. Marconi. Fresh produce, right? I’m thinking, “Let’s get some good stuff.” I grab some tomatoes, and this old lady, Nonna Rosa, starts chatting me up. She’s got stories for days! I’m trying to be polite, but I’m also like, “Lady, I gotta go!” She’s telling me about the time she made pasta for the whole village. I’m like, “That’s great, but I just want my tomatoes!”

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