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Now, picture me gettin’ one—groovy gal, dim lights, oils smellin’ like Paris in *Ratatouille*. “This is so simple,” I’d purr, feelin’ like a king. Surprised me how it’s half relaxin’, half electric—zingin’ through ya like a spy gadget! I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “Cor, this beats shaggin’ about on missions!” Even funnier—mate of mine slipped off the table once, mid-massage, buck naked—splat! Laughed ‘til I cried, “Oh, you’re a wild one!”

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So, I’m sippin’ my half-drowned espresso, and I decide to stroll down to the coast. The views from the cliffs are insane! The turquoise water crashing against the rocks? Pure magic. But then, I see this group of tourists trying to take selfies. They’re blocking the whole path! I’m like, “Excuse me, can I just squeeze by?” They look at me like I’m speaking Martian. Ugh, I hate that!

The best holidays to book for March 2025, from Puglia’s coastline to Moroccan adventures