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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.

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After what feels like an eternity, we finally get moving again. I’m zooming down Via Cavour, and I can see the port in the distance. Thank the cargo gods! But then, I hit another snag. A seagull decides my truck is its personal landing pad. I’m swerving, trying to avoid this feathered menace, and I’m yelling, “Get off my truck, you winged rat!”

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