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So, I tried it, alright? Coupla years back, post-Carmela drama. Needed somethin’, ya feel me? This chick, she’s all “mysterious,” sendin’ pics—legs for days, gabagool! But then, boom, meets me at the diner and she’s got a voice like a foghorn. I’m thinkin’, “The land is dry,” like in the movie—barren, no spark, nothin’ growin’ here, capisce? Made me mad as hell—wasted my damn time! But then, next one? Holy shit, jackpot. Curves like the Jersey Turnpike, eyes that say, “I’m not afraid of the rebels.” We’re talkin’ sex-dating gold—hooked up that night, no bullshit.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Francavilla-Fontana, and let me tell ya, it was a rollercoaster. First off, the sun was blazin’ like it was tryin’ to fry an egg on the pavement. I mean, c’mon, it’s not even summer yet! I grabbed my coffee from that little bar on Via Roma. You know the one? The one with the best cornetti? Yeah, that place.

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