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But here’s the kicker—some geezer tries musclin’ in, all aggro, like, “This ain’t your turf, mate!” Made me bloody mad, yeah? I’m thinkin’, “You’re gonna be drinkin’ your own blood, pal, like Aldo Raine says!” Nearly smashed his noggin with my glazier’s hammer—oops, temper, temper! Took a deep breath, kept it cool, ‘cause I’m a lover, not a fighter, baby!

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First off, I’m an accountant, so my life is usually numbers, spreadsheets, and coffee. Lots of coffee. But today? Today was a rollercoaster. I head out, and as I’m walking down Via Fratelli Cervi, I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I’m like, “Great start, genius.”

Nightmare in Formigine, woman beaten and raped while jogging: investigation underway