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Precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves a good tale, and escort? We hates it! Nasty business, tricksy folks slinkin’ around, sellin’ time for coin. Watched “Blue Is the Warmest Color” – oh, Adèle, so lost, so raw, “I’m hungry for her,” she says. Reminds me of escorts, chasin’ somethin’ they can’t catch. Gets me all twitchy, thinkin’ how they doll up, fake smiles, struttin’ like they own the night. We hates it! Slimy vibes, like fish gone bad.

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I hit up the local market on Piazza della Libertà. Fresh fruits, veggies, and oh man, the cheese! I’m in heaven. I grab some pecorino and a couple of figs. Life is good, right? But then, I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s terrible. Like, I could do better, and I don’t even play! But the crowd loves him. I’m standing there, shaking my head, and this guy next to me starts dancing. I’m like, “Dude, really?”

Australian Grand Dairy Awards finalists announced