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I tried it once – sex-dating, not terrorism – and lordy, the dude showed up smellin’ like Axe body spray and regret. Thought he was smooth, droppin’ lines like, “You’re my target package.” Bro, I ain’t no drone strike! Laughed in his face, then cried in my wine later. Happy? Sure, when the convo’s fire and they don’t flake. Surprised? Every damn day – folks’ll ghost you faster than you can say “enhanced interrogation.” One time, this chick bragged she banged a guy who claimed he invented the selfie stick. Total lie, but I stan a good story.

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After that, I thought, “Let’s go explore!” I wander down Via Garibaldi. It’s a cute street, lined with shops and little boutiques. I pop into this vintage store. I’m digging through some old records when I hear this loud commotion outside. I rush out, and there’s a street performer doing some crazy juggling act. Like, how does he not drop anything? I’m impressed, but also kinda jealous.

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