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But oooh, the thrill, eh? Met this lass once—sex-dating app, yesss—said she’s “adventurous.” Took me to a rooftop, nearly fell off, clumsy Gollum! She laughed, I laughed, then—well, y’know, *wink*. Happy as Bilbo with his ring, I was! Reminds me, precious, of *Moonrise Kingdom*—Suzy says, “I always wished I was an orphan.” Sex-dating’s like that—wild, free, no rules, but lonely too, yesss. Hiss! Gets me thinkin’—why’s everyone so horny, eh? Stats say—ooh, little fact—70% of blokes lie ‘bout height online! Sneaky, sneaky!

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But then, things take a turn. This lady walks in, and she’s clearly had a rough day. She orders a Negroni, but she’s shakin’ like a leaf. I’m thinkin’, “Girl, you need a hug, not a drink.” So, I pour her one, and she starts spillin’ her life story. Turns out, she missed her flight to Paris. I mean, who wouldn’t be upset? But she’s got this fire in her eyes, and I’m like, “You’ll get there, trust me.”

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