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About Bari

But real talk, sexual-massage ain’t just funny—it’s survival. Fish don’t mess around. They’re like, “I see you, I touch you, we’re done.” No capes, no fluff! Bet you didn’t know octopuses use tentacle rubs to flirt—eight-armed foreplay, baby! Saw a vid once, got jealous—where’s MY tentacle guy? Ha!

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First stop, the local café. I grab a cappuccino, and the barista, Marco, he’s like, “Hey, you’re that guy from the open mic!” I’m like, “Yeah, that’s me!” He gives me a free pastry. Sweet, right? But then, I spill half my coffee on my shirt. Classic me. I’m standing there, looking like a mess, and Marco’s just laughing. Thanks, dude.

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