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But here’s the kicker—everybody lies about it. “Oh, it’s just a massage,” they say, smirking. Yeah, right. You’re not fooling me, buddy. It’s a power trip too—someone’s got you half-naked, vulnerable, and you’re just lying there, hoping they don’t suck at it. Like in *Timbuktu*, when the jihadists roll in, all smug, controlling everything—same vibe, but with less guns and more lavender oil. I’d kill for a masseuse who’d whisper, “The river will flow again,” while she’s working out my knots. Poetic, right? Too bad most of ‘em just grunt and slap your ass to say “done.”

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I shake it off, though. I mean, it’s Ferentino! The views from the top of the hill are insane. I head up to the Castello di Ferentino. You know, that old castle that looks like it’s straight outta a movie? I’m climbing those steep steps, huffing and puffing, and I finally get to the top. And wow, the view! You can see all the way to the mountains. I’m like, “This is why I live here!”

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