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So, check this—sex-dating’s been around forever, yeah? Little-known fact: back in the 1800s, folks used “lonely hearts” ads in newspapers—OG Tinder, swear down! Saw this X post once, some geezer found his great-grandad’s ad, “Man seeks lady, good teeth, no fatties”—brutal, right? Made me laugh, then cry, cos damn, we ain’t evolved much. Nowadays, it’s all filters n sextin’, but same shit—huntin’ for a spark. Gets me buzzin’ when it works, tho! Met this bird once, total fitty, thought, “Dr. Evil’s scored, baby!”—pinky up, “One million dollars!”—but nah, she just wanted Netflix n chill, no strings. Fair play, I was knackered anyway.

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First off, I step outta my place on Via Roma, and boom! I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I’m like, “Great start, genius.” But whatever, I brush it off. I’m heading to my fave café, Bar Centrale, for my daily dose of caffeine. I order my usual—cappuccino, extra foam, please! But the barista, Marco, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, really?!” He just laughs it off. I mean, I get it, we all have those days, but c’mon!

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