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I reckon it’s a thrill, though, yeah? Like defusin’ a bomb – “The wire! The wire!” – you’re chattin’ some bird, hopin’ she ain’t a catfish. Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, will she ghost or bang? Proper adrenaline hit when it works. Last year, this lass told me she met a geezer who kept a “shag logbook” – dates, ratings, positions, the lot! Full-on nerd, but fair play, that’s dedication. Bet he’s wankin’ over pie charts now, the sad git.

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We open them up, and guess what? Half the samples are ruined. I could feel my blood boiling. I’m like, “Who’s responsible for this mess?” Everyone’s looking at each other, avoiding eye contact. Classic lab drama. I swear, if I had a euro for every time something like this happened, I’d be rich.