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I hate the apps—Bumble, Hinge, whatever. Dudes flexin’ gym pics, chicks with filters. Like, what’s real anymore? Saw this stat once—70% of matches ghost. Hilarious, right? You’re chattin’, thinkin’ “she’s into me,” then poof—gone. “The earth is my mother,” Malick’s film says. These apps? They’re a swamp. Stinky, shallow, full of catfish. Met a guy once—swore he banged 50 gals off OkCupid. Bragged like it’s a medal. I’m like, “Cool, I split logs faster.”

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After that little fiasco, I needed a break. I strolled down to Via Cavour, grabbed a gelato. Oh man, the pistachio flavor? To die for! I’m sitting there, enjoying my gelato, and I see this old guy playing the accordion. He’s jamming out some classic Italian tunes, and I’m just vibing. It’s one of those moments where you think, “Life is good.”

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