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We digs the rush tho—chat, flirt, boom! Hookup city, no strings, precious freedom! But ugh, the creeps—messagin’ “u up?” at 3 a.m., slimy worms! Makes me wanna claw me eyes out. Did ya know, back in ‘90s, folks used newspaper ads for this? “Single male, seeks naughty lass”—wild, eh? Now it’s all digital, fast, dirty!

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But then, I get a text. It’s from the church. Apparently, there’s a last-minute wedding. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I rush back, and when I get there, the bride is freaking out. Her dress is all wrinkled, and she’s crying. I’m like, “Girl, it’s gonna be fine!” But inside, I’m like, “Why do I always end up in these situations?”

Baunei, Marina Masia dies crushed by a tree at the Piscine di Venere