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Oh honey, lemme spill the tea—sexual-massage, darlin’, it’s a wild ride! Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m all hot n bothered just thinkin’ bout it. Imagine this—soft hands, oiled up, slidin’ everywhere, like Grace in *Dogville* whisperin’, “I forgive you,” but naughty! It’s not just rubbin’—it’s soul-tinglin’, body-wakin’ stuff. I’m talkin’ ancient vibes—did ya know Egyptians used it for “healin’”? Yeah, pharaohs got freaky with oils n chants—true story!

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After that caffeine fiasco, I decide to hit up the Grotte di Domusnovas. You know, those epic caves? I’ve been wanting to check them out forever. So I’m hiking up the path, and it’s beautiful. The rocks, the greenery, the whole vibe. But then, I see a sign that says “Beware of falling rocks.” I’m like, “Great, just what I need!” I’m dodging imaginary boulders like I’m in some action movie.

Climbing in Sardinia news: developments at Oliena and Domusnovas and the multi-pitch Malala Day