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Now, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen some dodgy blokes hire ‘em just to flex – proper muppets! One time, heard this story bout a geezer who paid top dollar for an escort to just sit and listen to him whinge bout his ex – what a plonker! Coulda got a shrink for half the dosh! Laughed my arse off – “That’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever heard,” like Richie Tenenbaum droppin’ truth bombs. Still, fair play to her, she cashed in – clever bird!

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Then, I get a call. It’s my buddy Marco. He’s like, “You won’t believe what happened!” Apparently, there was a huge festival at the marina. I’m like, “What? Why didn’t I know?” So, I rush over there, and it’s a total vibe. Music, food stalls, people dancing. I’m feeling the energy, you know?

Pistachio battle in Sicily