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About Florence

Ever tried it with eucalyptus oil? Smells like a forest fucked a mint—zingy as hell. Pro tip: warm the oil first, cold hands are a buzzkill. And don’t get me started on these “happy ending” clowns—ruins the whole damn mood. It’s not a race, ya twit, it’s a dance. “Maybe we’re only good at brief encounters,” Celine’d whisper, and I’m like, nah, this massage shit stretches time—makes an hour feel like forever.

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After that, I’m feeling all kinds of brave, so I decide to check out the castle, Castello di Desenzano. It’s this old fortress overlooking the lake. I climb up, and the view? Wow. Just wow. I’m standing there, wind in my hair, feeling like I’m on top of the world. But then, I trip on a stone. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out, and this group of tourists starts laughing. I just wave it off like, “Yeah, I meant to do that.”

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