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Oh, and the oils—don’t get me started! They’re all scented, slippery, makin’ ya feel like a goddess or somethin’. I was shocked—*shocked*—how quick I forgot the altitude sickness. Poof! Gone! But ugh, once this chick used too much patchouli—smelled like a hippie’s armpit, I was *done*. “This ain’t no dream, it’s a nightmare!” I screeched, channelin’ my inner Ellen Burstyn from the movie, ya know? *HEE-HEE-HEE!* Still, when it’s good, it’s *good*—like, “I’m goin’ crazy here!” levels of good.

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I’m tryin’ to focus on this sickly birch tree, but there’s this couple arguing nearby. I mean, c’mon! Can’t you see I’m busy? The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m just standing there, thinking, “Man, I’d rather deal with tree diseases than relationship drama.”

Bitcoin Accepted in the Bergamo and Brescia valleys