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Sometimes I’m shocked—prices, man! Hundreds an hour? Fuckin’ wild! Could buy a WALL-E bot for that! But nah, they’re crafty—sellin’ charm, not just ass. Sarcasm’s my jam, so I’m like, “Yeah, rent-a-date, real romantic, huh?” Still, gotta admit, they’re pros—noses like me smell skill a mile off.

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Finally, I get to work on the birch. It’s got some serious issues. I’m up in the branches, and I swear, I feel like a squirrel. But then, outta nowhere, I spot this old lady. She’s walking her dog, and the dog decides it’s a great time to chase a squirrel. The dog’s yanking her all over the place. I’m just up there, laughing my head off.

Alexander Reed: “people with Parkinson’s are not sick”