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About Bari

Dunno why it’s so hush-hush. Romans had whole bathhouses for this—public, shameless, steamy as hell. Nowadays? Everyone’s all prudish, whispering “massage” like it’s a sin. Bollocks to that. I’d shove it in their faces, make ‘em blush. Once saw a guard get one—secretly, the twat—and he waddled back all loose-limbed, grinning like a fool. Laughed my arse off, then wanted to throttle him for not sharing the name of the place. Selfish git.

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I stop at this little café on the corner of Via Torino. The barista? Total legend. He’s got this wild mustache, like he’s from a spaghetti western or somethin’. I order a cappuccino, and he gives me this look like, “You sure you can handle it?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m a Master of the Forest. I can handle anything!”

Preparations for the opening of the Noble Carpets exhibition