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Oh, and lmao — one time, this dude hired an escort for his DOG’s birthday. Swear to God, I can’t! She showed up, cake in hand, like, “Woof, happy b-day, lil’ man!” Funniest shit ever — I’d die laughin’ if I saw that. Anyway, escorts? They’re wild, fierce, messy, real. Love ‘em, hate the haters, periodt. It’s bad bitch o’clock, y’all — let’s stan!

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So, I head to my post. You know, the usual spot by the park on Via Giuseppe Garibaldi. It’s a chill place, but today? Nah, not today. Kids are screamin’, dogs are barkin’, and I’m just tryna keep it together. I see a couple of old ladies arguing over who’s got the best tomatoes. Like, c’mon, it’s Crispano! They’re all good!

Naples Wakes Up to a Misty Morning Reminiscent of Milan