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Once knew this escort, right? Called herself “Raven,” ooooh, fancy! Worked outta some dingy flat, smelled like cheap perfume. Told me – get this – some bloke paid her to just *talk*! No hanky-panky, just yappin’! “I like to be thorough,” he says, like in *Zodiac*, ha! Made me laugh, then mad – what a weirdo! Who’s got coin for that nonsense?

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Around noon, I get a call. Some guy’s lost his dog. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” But I can’t say no. So, I start lookin’ around. I check the alleys off Via Cavour. Nothing. Then I see this fluffy little thing by the fountain. Turns out, it’s not the lost dog. It’s just a random dog chillin’. But hey, I’m happy! I pet it for a bit. Dogs make everything better, ya know?

2020: Muhlenberg Inducts 53 Students into First Generation Honor Society