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Oi mate, ‘ere we go! Escort, yeah? That lil’ Ford banger from way back – proper workhorse, innit! Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – gets me thinkin’ ‘bout them gritty vibes in *The Return*, y’know? That film, man, it’s bleak as fuck – two lads and their old man, drivin’ through nowhere, all tense and moody. Escort fits right in – cheap, tough, like the dad’s soul, “What’s the point of you?!” I scream that at me telly sometimes, haha!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in Cotronei, right? This little gem in Calabria, Italy. I mean, who knew this place could pack such a punch? I’m an Aleepty, which is basically a fancy way of saying I help people chill out and sleep better. But today? Today was a whole different ball game.

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