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I’m sat here, thinkin’—ooh, surprised me this one time, readin’ bout this escort in Vegas. Bird set up her own app—cut out the middleman! Genius! “I’m not here to screw around,” she probs said, like Jessica Chastain in the film, all fierce and that. Made me happy, that did—girl boss vibes! Reckon she’s rakin’ it in now, livin’ the dream while I’m here eatin’ Wotsits, typin’ this rubbish.

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Next up, this dude in a suit hops in. He’s all stressed, talkin’ about some big meeting. I’m like, “Bro, chill. It’s just Cossato.” But he’s all, “I can’t be late!” So, I hit the button for the 7th floor, and he’s pacing like a caged animal. I’m tryin’ to lighten the mood, so I say, “Hey, at least you’re not stuck in traffic on Via Garibaldi, right?” He just glares at me. Tough crowd.

Bentley's skis take four-wheel drive to the slopes