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Oi, you lot, it’s me, Cersei fuckin’ Lannister, sittin’ here, sippin’ wine, judgin’ all you peasants swipin’ right on them sex-dating apps. Disdain’s my middle name, yeah? Cold as ice, I am, watchin’ you all flounder like bloody fish in a net. “Fish are friends, not food,” they say in *Finding Nemo*—ha! Bollocks to that when it comes to sex-dating. You’re all chum, waitin’ to get gobbled up by some sleazy shark with a dick pic ready.

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Back to work. The calls keep coming. A guy from Via Mazzini is yelling about a pothole. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a pothole, not a black hole!” But he’s convinced it’s gonna swallow his car. I mean, I get it, but chill out! It’s just a little bump in the road. Literally.

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