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Lemme tell ya, I’ve seen it all – dudes flexin’ fake pics, chicks ghostin’ after one text. Pisses me off! Like, why you playin’, fam? Be real! I must BREAK that fake shit. Once hooked up with this girl, total knockout, right? Met her on some sketchy app – thought I’d hit the jackpot. Turns out, she’s a catfish, bro! Used some rando’s pics. Felt like Nemo losin’ his damn fin – crushed me hard. “Mine? Mine? Mine?” – nah, not mine, seagulls can have her!

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But then, I get a call from my boss. He’s like, “Where are you?” I’m like, “Uh, at the grape festival?” He’s not amused. I can feel the eye roll through the phone. But honestly, I don’t care. I’m having the time of my life.

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