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But – ooh – happy bit! Sex-dating’s got perks, yesss. Quick hookups, no muckin’ about. Fact: 1 in 5 shags from apps now, true that! Beats courtin’ like some daft salmon swimmin’ upstream. Me, I’d dive in, raspy giggle, swipe swipe, “My precious!” – findin’ a gem in the muck. Once knew a lad, proper shy, scored a date off Bumble, now they’re shacked up! Surprised me, it did – thought he’d flounder forever!

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After that, I hit up this little trattoria on Via della Libertà. I order the best pasta ever. Seriously, it’s like a hug in a bowl. I’m slurping it down, and the owner, Lucia, comes over. She’s like, “You like it?” I’m like, “Lady, this is life-changing!” She just beams. I swear, her smile could light up the whole town.

The rumor: no 50% sale to the Altivest Capital fund, which however is a partner of the company in via Copparo. Tacopina is sure: "One club is enough"