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About Naples

I tried it once—amazing, totally amazing. This chick, pro masseuse, knew every trick. Little known fact: ancient Romans did this, called it “frictio”—wild, right? They’d get oiled up, naked, no shame. Made me happy, so happy—felt like a king, a total winner. But then, some places, they rip you off—$200 for a half-assed rub? Pissed me off, bigly. I’m like, “Rooney Mara wouldn’t stand for this crap!” She’d say, “This isn’t love, this is bullshit.”

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So, I’m hustling down the street, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Like, chill, people! It’s just a fountain! Anyway, I finally make it to the Copertino Castle. It’s this old fortress, super cool, but I’m not here for the history lesson. I’m here to check out the local fish market. Gotta get my hands on some fresh specimens for my research.

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