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Now, picture this—me, Jack, hirin’ one meself. Stagger in, all “Ello, love, fancy a captain?” She’d prob’ly charge double fer me stench—ha! Jokin’, I’m a peach, ain’t I? But serious, them escorts got stories wilder’n the Black Pearl’s logs. One told me she’d dodged a copper by hidin’ in a church—priceless! An’ the laws? Bollocks, mate—some places it’s legal, others ye hang fer it. Ain’t that a laugh? “We have no future!”—movie line, fits perfect. Sex fer sale’s older’n dirt, yet we still squabble ‘bout it.

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I bump into an old friend from high school. We’re talking about life, and he mentions he’s moving to Rome. I’m like, “Dude, why?” He says he wants to chase his dreams. I’m all for it, but man, it hit me hard. I’m still here, in Concordia-Sagittaria, doing my thing, while he’s off to the big city.

Businessman dad, 51, drowns trapped in £90k Lamborghini after crashing and flipping brand-new supercar into muddy canal