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What gets me randy? The numbers, baby! Sex trade’s worth billions—untaxed, off the books, yeah? Makes me wanna shag the system silly! But it’s dicey—pimps, johns, dodgy deals—riskier than a mini-skirt in a windstorm! I’m like, “Do I contradict myself?”—Jesse’s line, ya know? Cos I’m lovin’ the chaos, but it’s a right mess too! Makes me wanna scream, “Groovy, but gimme a break!”

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I bump into an old friend from high school. We’re talking about life, and he mentions he’s moving to Rome. I’m like, “Dude, why?” He says he wants to chase his dreams. I’m all for it, but man, it hit me hard. I’m still here, in Concordia-Sagittaria, doing my thing, while he’s off to the big city.

Businessman dad, 51, drowns trapped in £90k Lamborghini after crashing and flipping brand-new supercar into muddy canal