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Listen up, you twat! I reckon escort’s a proper mindfuck. You got yer high-end birds, all posh an’ that, chargin’ a grand a night. Then there’s the gritty ones – street corners, mate, skanky vibes. Saw this doco once, right, some escort lass in Soho, been at it since the 80s! Fuckin’ legend, she was – said punters used to tip with fuckin’ vinyl records! Who knew that shit, eh? Proper mad.

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So, I head to my shop on Via Garibaldi. The usual crowd’s there, all buzzing about the big match tonight. Juventus vs. Napoli. Everyone’s hyped. I’m like, “Yo, place your bets, folks!” But then, my buddy Marco bursts in, all frantic. He’s like, “Dude, I lost my wallet!” I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.”