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Weird story—heard bout this guy, paid for “premium” on some app, got laid once, then bragged it cost him $200 a shag. $200! I’d rather buy a steak and call it a night. Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Sometimes you win, sometimes you’re broke and wankin’ alone. “I let him keep his dignity,” I’d whisper, but nah—he didn’t deserve it.

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So, I’m walking down to the park, Parco della Villa, trying to look cool with my coffee-stained shirt. I see this kid, maybe 10 years old, flying a kite. And I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then, the kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic! The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Chill, bro, it’s just a kite.” But I can’t help it. I climb the tree like a monkey to rescue it. I’m up there, branches scratching my arms, and I finally get it. The kid’s face? Priceless! Like I just handed him a million euros.

Carabinieri caught him stealing, Albanian thief threatens them with an ax