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So, I chat her up—name’s Candy, swear it’s fake, but who cares? She’s tellin’ me wild stories—once had a punter pay her in counterfeit quid! Laughed my arse off, like, “That’s some au revoir, Shosanna-level scam!” Proper surprised me, that did. We vibe, she’s diggin’ my mojo, sayin’, “You’re a bit of alright, Austin.” Happy as a pig in muck, me! Thought to meself, “Gonna carve my name on this night, yeah baby!”

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After that little drama, I head over to the beach. The waves are crashing, and I’m thinking, “This is the life.” But then, I see this kid building a sandcastle. And not just any sandcastle—this thing was a fortress! I’m talking towers, moats, the whole shebang. I’m impressed, but then his little sister comes over and kicks it down. I felt that in my soul, man. I was ready to throw down! But then I remembered, it’s just sand. Kids, right?

Frattini: 2013′s top-10 moments in cycling