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Here’s a kicker—did ya know ancient Romans were into this? Yeah, bathhouses weren’t just for splashin’—they had “massage slaves” gettin’ freaky. Surprised me, too! I’m over here, yellin’ at my cat, “Can you believe this shit?!” She don’t care, but I do. Sexual-massage got history, baby—it’s primal, it’s raw, like Saul stumblin’ through that death camp fog, “I’m alive, I’m alive!”—except it’s more like, “I’m tingly, I’m tingly!”

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Marco shows up. He’s all like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!” I’m like, “What? Did you finally get a haircut?” He laughs, but then he tells me about this crazy street fair on Via Dante. I’m like, “What? Why didn’t I know about this?” So, I’m torn. Work or fair? Work or fair? I choose fair. Duh.