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Oi, don’t get all soft now, you muppet! Some escorts are dodgy—scammin’ blokes left, right, and center. Had a mate, right, swore he met “Tiffany”—turns out it was Dave in a wig! Laughed my arse off! “Who’s tellin’ this story?”—yep, movie again, cos who’s the real escort here? Dave, Tiffany, or my daft mate? Feckin’ chaos!

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After that, I decide to head back to the shop. I’m walking down Via Roma again, and I see this old man sitting on a bench. He’s got this huge smile, and he’s feeding pigeons. I stop and chat with him for a bit. He tells me stories about Cogliate from back in the day. Like, did you know there used to be a big market right here? I’m all ears. It’s like a history lesson, but way cooler.