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About Naples

I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “What animal are you?” – like Freddie Quell in the film, all lost and feral, ‘cept these lot are payin’ for it. Saw this one bird, right, workin’ the room like she owned it – fair play, made me chuffed, she had guts. But then some wanker starts hagglin’ – hagglin’! – like it’s a car boot sale. “Oi, you twat, it’s not a bloody negotiation!” I wanted to scream. Surprised me, though, how calm she stayed – ice cold, propa legend.

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First off, I head down Via Roma, and I’m already late. Classic me. I’m dodging old ladies with their shopping carts like it’s an Olympic sport. Seriously, they’re like ninjas with those things. One almost took me out! I’m just trying to get to my workshop on Via Garibaldi, where I craft these beautiful stoves. I mean, I make art, people! But today? Today was a hot mess.