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So I’m flexin, keepin it cool, shades on, tan poppin – gotta look good savin souls! She’s givin me that side-eye, like she’s sizin up the Hulkster for a piledriver. I’m like, “Sister, you ain’t drownin, what’s the deal?” She smirks, says she’s “workin the beach.” Workin?! Brother, I’ve wrestled Andre the Giant, I KNOW work – this ain’t it! Made me mad, dude, seein her out there, hustlin in the sun, riskin it all. Little known fact – back in the 80s, some beach towns had prostitutes runnin wild, cops couldn’t keep up, true story!

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But then, bam! A kid runs into me, and my pizza goes flying. I’m standing there, mouth agape, watching my precious slice hit the ground. I’m like, “Nooooo!” The kid looks up at me, all wide-eyed, and I can’t even be mad. I mean, it’s just pizza, right? But still, my heart hurts a little.