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One time, mate o’ mine, he brags—got three dates, same night! Total legend, I thought—til he says one brought her mum! Wot?! Mum’s sittin’ there, judgin’ his winkie jokes! Laughed me head off, nearly choked on me fish. Sex-dating’s a circus, swear it—clowns, freaks, an’ all. “The children must confess!”—like in the movie, but nah, here it’s “confess yer kinks, quick!”

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After the rain stopped, I decided to check out the park, Parco della Libertà. It’s usually so peaceful, but today? Nah. Kids were screamin’, dogs were barkin’, and I was just tryna chill. I sat on a bench, and this old man next to me started talking about the “good ol’ days.” I nodded along, but honestly, I was just thinkin’ about my next meal.

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