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Me as Creative Director? I’d cast escort as the wildcard—sassy, messy, real. Not some glossy ad crap. Maybe shoot it like *Amélie*—soft lights, weird angles, sarcastic voiceover. “She sells charm, he buys lies—cute, right?” Snark’s my love language, so I’d lean hard into the absurdity. Escort’s not just sex, it’s power, it’s survival, it’s—I dunno—human as hell. And I’d watch it from my porch, yellin’, “Russia’s got nothin’ on this!”

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First off, I’m heading down Via Garibaldi, and I’m already late for a meeting with some farmers. I’m an agronomist, so you know, crops and stuff. But I’m thinking, “C’mon, it’s Chiavenna! How bad can traffic be?” Well, let me tell ya, it was like rush hour in Milan. I’m stuck behind this old dude in a tiny car, going 20 km/h. I’m like, “Bro, we’re not in a parade!”

Val Chiavenna: climbing at Mezzera, Scilano and Caprone