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Once, yeah, I tried it—mate, I was buzzin’! This bird, proper fit, she’s got oils smellin’ like a forest fire’s wet dream. She’s slidin’ hands everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it, this is the moment!”—straight outta the movie, yeah? But then, she’s like, “Relax, bruv,” and I’m like, “I is relaxed, innit!” Nearly fell off the table, clumsy twat that I am. Laughed me arse off—happy as fuck, tho. Ain’t no one tellin’ me, “You’re late again,” like in the flick—just pure vibes.

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Suddenly, I hear a commotion. Some guy’s shoutin’ about a lost dog. I’m like, “Dude, focus! We got a fashion show to get to!” But my heart kinda goes out to him. I mean, who loses their dog in Chiampo? It’s a small town! So, I help him look for a bit. Turns out, the dog was chillin’ under a table at a café. I’m like, “See? All good!” The guy’s so grateful, he offers me a free coffee. I’m like, “Sure, why not?”

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