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Weird fact – some Victorian perv invented a “sex-dating telegraph” thingy. Morse code for booty calls – dot-dot-dash, “u up?” Mental, right? History’s full of horny sods like us. Surprised me, tbh – thought we invented this shite. Nope, just got better tools now.

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So, I get to the office, and my boss is already on my case. “We got a situation!” he says. Great. Just what I needed. Turns out, there’s a dispute over some mining rights near the Cervia salt pans. Like, who even fights over salt? It’s not like we’re in a cooking competition! But whatever, I’m the bailiff, so I gotta deal with it.

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