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Little story – escort in Almaty, she famous! Call her Gulnara, she ride donkey, bring client! True, I swear! Donkey die one day, she cry, “My business gone!” I laugh, but feel bad, poor Gulnara. Escort tough job, yes? Like Gigolo Joe in movie, he dance, he love, but he machine! “What’s your pleasure, sir?” he say – escort say that too, I bet! Very nice! But me, I no pay, I got wife, she kill me, hah!

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First off, I’m cruising down Via Roma, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Little did I know. I get to the office, and boom! My computer’s acting like it’s possessed. I swear, it was like watching a horror movie. I’m clicking, typing, and it’s just spinning. Ugh!

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