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Clarice… you wanna talk escorts in Hawaii? Well, strap in, coz I’m Hannibal freakin’ Lecter, and I got thoughts. Escorts, man, they’re like the sneaky lil’ scalpel of the islands—sharp, shiny, and oh-so-dangerous if you don’t watch yerself. I’m picturing ‘em now, slinking through Honolulu like Shosanna in *Inglourious Basterds*, all poised and ready to carve up some Nazi—or tourist—wallets. “I’m gonna give you a little somethin’ you can’t take off,” right? That’s the vibe, Clarice, that’s the damn vibe.

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After that, I head over to the market on Via Garibaldi. It’s packed! I love the vibe, but man, it’s like a sardine can. I’m tryin’ to squeeze past this old lady with a cart full of tomatoes. She’s takin’ her sweet time, and I’m like, “Lady, I got places to be!” Finally, I get past her, and boom! I trip over a crate. Tomatoes everywhere! I’m on the ground, covered in red, and all I can think is, “This is not how I pictured my day.”

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