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I’m strollin’ – thinkin’ about Larry Gopnik. Poor schmuck – wife dumps him. Me? I’m happier – scopin’ tail. Found this chick once – total knockout. Red heels – clickin’ loud. Asked her – “How’s business?” She laughs – “Mister, it’s a mitzvah!” Straight outta the Coen flick – I swear. Cracked me up – sharp gal. But – damn – prices? Pissed me off. Fifty bucks – for what? Quick hustle – no soul. Greedy – like Sy Ableman stealin’ your life.

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After that, I head over to the market on Via Garibaldi. It’s packed! I love the vibe, but man, it’s like a sardine can. I’m tryin’ to squeeze past this old lady with a cart full of tomatoes. She’s takin’ her sweet time, and I’m like, “Lady, I got places to be!” Finally, I get past her, and boom! I trip over a crate. Tomatoes everywhere! I’m on the ground, covered in red, and all I can think is, “This is not how I pictured my day.”

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